Kaleidoscope

So, this new weight loss journey on which i am about to embark is a long time coming.
I have battled my weight all my life for many reasons, some psychological, some biological, all unhealthy.
I had trouble maintaining a healthy weight as a child but it wasn't until after the births of my 2 children that the weight became a mental and physical emergency. I was clinically depressed, mentally absent (Dissociative for those of you in the clinical world), and unable to fully participate in my children's childhood. There seemed to be no end, no cure, no help that made a difference and death seemed my only way to freedom.
My lack of full connection to the world prevented me from understanding that my freedom from pain would only harm my children further than i already was by being physically but not mentally present. Some call this selfish and they are entitled to their opinion which they have for their own personal reasons. I am not here to change anyone's mind or opinion, i do not possess that power, i am only telling the story as it was written.
While drowning deep in the rapidly breaking waves of quicksand that is clinical depression, unable to come up for air long enough to really connect to the world and grab hold of a healthy root such as long-term therapy, let alone nutrition and exercise, a body and mind grow more weary by the second and letting go seems like the most blissful choice at the time.
When people around you are saying things like "it's really not all that bad" and "just smile more" or "you're not depressed, you just need to get out more" etc....and the list goes on of well-meaning boots that kick you further into the quicksand instead of hands that pull you out, you begin to become friends with the quicksand.
In their defense, the average person has no idea how to help someone with clinical depression. It's not for the layperson to heal. From the viewpoint of a person who has lived it and is now earning a degree to help those with it, please allow me to throw you a lifeline...the absolute best thing you can do for someone who is suffering from clinical depression is offer them your hand, tell them you will go with them to their appointments, wait for them in the lobby, and be there for them when they get out.
It's ok to not know what to do. It's ok to not know what to say. It's not ok to tell them to get over it, get out more, smile more, or let it go. Just be there, even if you are silent.
Wow, that escalated quickly. I think I will leave it here for the moment and let it settle a bit.
For now, i am going to engage in some self-care...CRAFTING!!!

Bydidlygo neighbors!

SansGender. Ever hear of that? No? Neither have I, until now. I just made it up (or at least i thought i did, this was the first time I'd heard it but google told me otherwise. looks like I'm not alone in this skin. YAY!). Anyway, I've spent a long time, 48 years to be exact, wiggling around in this skin, trying to get comfortable, and trying out new moves. For now, the SansGender dance feels like I'm getting closer. To what, you ask? I don't know. Exciting, isn't it?

Allow me to introduce myself:

My name is Damien and I am a 48 year old person who was born female, transitioned to male at age 32 (2000), has given birth to 2 amazing human beings (son 1989; daughter 1991), been married and divorced (twice), has battled my weight all my life, had a brain tumor diagnosed and removed (Cushings Disease, 2012), a hysterectomy (full, 2006), double mastectomy (2001), started college in 2009 and will finish in 2017 with a Master's degree in Social Work, and am now heading under the knife again on August 18, 2016 for weight loss surgery (Gastric Sleeve). And...I'm tired.

So, why am I writing this blog and what is the point of it?

Because my mom told me to, and 2. To tell the story of a quiet life in a constant state of motion.

Right now I am figuring out how this whole blog thingy works so I will publish more as I get my bloglegs.

Hello fellow Sansgenderists!