Kaleidoscope

So, this new weight loss journey on which i am about to embark is a long time coming.
I have battled my weight all my life for many reasons, some psychological, some biological, all unhealthy.
I had trouble maintaining a healthy weight as a child but it wasn't until after the births of my 2 children that the weight became a mental and physical emergency. I was clinically depressed, mentally absent (Dissociative for those of you in the clinical world), and unable to fully participate in my children's childhood. There seemed to be no end, no cure, no help that made a difference and death seemed my only way to freedom.
My lack of full connection to the world prevented me from understanding that my freedom from pain would only harm my children further than i already was by being physically but not mentally present. Some call this selfish and they are entitled to their opinion which they have for their own personal reasons. I am not here to change anyone's mind or opinion, i do not possess that power, i am only telling the story as it was written.
While drowning deep in the rapidly breaking waves of quicksand that is clinical depression, unable to come up for air long enough to really connect to the world and grab hold of a healthy root such as long-term therapy, let alone nutrition and exercise, a body and mind grow more weary by the second and letting go seems like the most blissful choice at the time.
When people around you are saying things like "it's really not all that bad" and "just smile more" or "you're not depressed, you just need to get out more" etc....and the list goes on of well-meaning boots that kick you further into the quicksand instead of hands that pull you out, you begin to become friends with the quicksand.
In their defense, the average person has no idea how to help someone with clinical depression. It's not for the layperson to heal. From the viewpoint of a person who has lived it and is now earning a degree to help those with it, please allow me to throw you a lifeline...the absolute best thing you can do for someone who is suffering from clinical depression is offer them your hand, tell them you will go with them to their appointments, wait for them in the lobby, and be there for them when they get out.
It's ok to not know what to do. It's ok to not know what to say. It's not ok to tell them to get over it, get out more, smile more, or let it go. Just be there, even if you are silent.
Wow, that escalated quickly. I think I will leave it here for the moment and let it settle a bit.
For now, i am going to engage in some self-care...CRAFTING!!!

Bydidlygo neighbors!